How to Flop at Customer Service 101
Class, today we will review the syllabus for this freshman
level class, "How to Flop at Customer Service 101."
For today's overview, you need to understand that you are a
busy person and your customer is going to have to get
used to it. This class is not a full semester class. It is designed
as an abbreviated class because you can quickly learn
how to be a flop. Here are the topics we will cover in this class: "Over-Promise, Under-Deliver" If you sell a product, tell the customer that the product
they ordered will come in on a certain date (because, deep
down, you still want to please them), even though you know
it is likely the product will arrive 3 days after that.
You want to get the customer's hopes up. If you sell a service, make a promise that you will do
three more tasks than you actually end up doing. This sets
a great expectation on the part of the customer for the
work you're going to do. It is actually fun to see them
come crashing down when your work is less than they
expected. Use Vague Communications Leave it up to your customer to contact you to confirm
appointments and deliveries. Never do this for them.
You need to keep them guessing. You have better things
to do, right? Be as technical as possible when communicating with your
customer. Use terms and phrases to confuse them. Never
educate them! Keep them in the dark as much as possible.
(Why would you want an educated customer? They might
start asking you really good questions.) Don't return phone calls, faxes, or e-mails in a timely
manner (if at all). You don't have time for all of these
communications. If you must communicate, do all of your most important
communications by telephone, not by e-mail or fax, so
that there is no paper trail that others can follow.
You don't want to be held to your word. Do As I Say, Not As I Do Whatever you tell your customer you are going to do,
do the opposite (or at least do something different!).
This is a great way to keep them on their toes. It sharpens
the customer's skills at honing in on their own confusion.
For example, if you tell them the product or service they
are buying from you will cost $100, make certain the actual
invoice is for at least $150. If They Don't Have Pain, They Won't Have Gain If your customers experience pain when they do business
with you, they will grow as customers and be better for
it. When athletes train, they feel pain; but that is the
only way they gain! Athletes gain more muscle, more
coordination, more skill, and more strength for their
sport, and they get there by experiencing pain through
their training. Just as athletes experience pain that leads to growth
and greater strength, your customers need to experience
pain when doing business with you in order to grow as
individual customers. See? You're actually doing your customers a favor by
setting up painful situations for them. In Conclusion During this class you will learn to
make it as difficult as possible for your customer
to do business with you: Be unavailable, be confusing,
be late, don't confirm, don't follow-up, and create pain.
You're a busy person with a full schedule. You don't
have extra time on your hands. In the subsequent classes, we will study each of these
areas more in-depth. Then you, too, will be a flop at
customer service. ********* All right, enough! All kidding aside, each of these
situations happened to me within one week with several
businesses. Now, go out there and do the opposite of
what you just read! © 2005 Borgeson Consulting, Inc.
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