Know your Man: Messing Around

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

"It's a wise husband who will buy his wife such fine china that she won't trust him to wash the dishes." ~ Anon

Given a chance, most men will drink out of the juice bottle; will leave the food that goes in the fridge uncovered; will leave the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the living room; will leave the bed unmade; will not do the dishes; will leave the bathroom towel on the floor; will drop his pajamas on the floor and retrieve them untouched at bedtime; will put an empty icemaker back in the freezer, and so on and so forth. In general, these things mean practically nothing to them—though I know many who are just the opposite.

One of my husbands was like this. It would drive me nuts that he would remove his PJs’ pants leaving them on the floor and in the evening, would easily put them back on as if this was the most common thing in the world. I hated that because I was the one who had to pick them up, if I wanted them off the floor.

My other husband, on the other hand, was a cleaning freak, so to speak; only he would not move a hand to clean. Thank heavens we were in Brazil at that time and luckily had an assistant in charge of the household chores, the clothes and the cooking (i.e., a maid, for the less politically correct) who would then make sure that everything was spotless just as he liked them to be.

Now I think: well, if their behavior bothered me, shouldn’t I be the one to take care of this situation and stop nagging? Nowadays, my son leaves an empty icemaker in the freezer. What do I do? Tell him, please, to fill it with water before putting it back. Does he do this? Sometimes. When he doesn’t, I will do it for him.

Now, a question remains: why am I so forgiving of my son whereas I was never forgiving of my life-partners? It dawned on me that the reason is pure and simple and it is called “unconditional love.” So now, if we are so indulgent with our children, as many of us are, it follows that, logically, we should be as forgiving with our men. After all, shouldn’t we love them unconditionally as well? Is there any other kind of love?

A Word of Advice:

Ladies: Put yourselves in their place. Who wants to do things you are not cut off for? Have a heart and compromise.

Gents: If your spouse wants a neat house, why don’t you tell her do the cleaning and chores inside the house and you will help out by doing other things outside of the home, such as fixing things when they break, taking the car for oil changes, etc.? Make it a fair arrangement. Of course, you must share parenting.

Ladies and Gents: If both of you truly hate housework, inside and outside, stop bickering and hire help!

A story:
In Madrid… “Spanish lawmakers introduced a new marriage contract this week that stipulates men must do half of the housework. The new vows will be used in civil marriage ceremonies starting this autumn. Wives won’t be able to take their husbands to court for being lazy, but in case of divorce, a husband who has done less than his share will have to pay more alimony. “Men have to learn to start taking more responsibility in the home,” said Margarita Uria, the member of the parliament who authored the bill, “and women have to help them do it.” (The Week, July 1, 2005, p.8).

My two cents: Margarita Uria is just like I was: a total moron when it comes to understanding the opposite sex. And vindictive, too!