Show Me the Way to go Home

I remember being mesmerized by Steven Spielberg’s classic movie “ET” as were my children who were quite young at the time. The extra terrestrial creature’s need to “go home” was the main theme of the film and the impediments to its being able to accomplish that end result were more than frustrating to the audience…as it was intended. In addition to frustration, the audience experienced sadness, fear, humor, anxiety, victory and happiness. It dealt with people not being able to deal with the truth or reality…especially the adults who were “set in their ways” and unable to see life through the eyes of a child.

The real plot of the film for me was dealing with rejection and loss. It was very difficult for the main character in the film…the young boy…to let ET go but yet he wanted what was best for him at the same time. I always waited for a sequel to that movie but it never came to pass.

How many times have you had to deal with similar situations…perhaps not with an ET but with other people or episodes in your life? The passing of a loved one or your child leaving home creating an “empty nest syndrome” are painful experiences for most of us. We tend to want things to “remain the same” so that we won’t have to go through any pain but life goes on and pain is as much a part of life as is joy. That “empty feeling” is something that those of us who’ve experienced such things will never forget. Change is usually something that is very difficult for people to accept. When change is associated with loss, it becomes excruciatingly overwhelming.

I remember a teacher…a science teacher…who said that until we can come to accept that life is filled with the pain of loss…that death is as important to life as birth is…we’re always going to struggle with those concepts and feelings. I have a mentor by the name of Milton Erickson who suggested that “we’re dying from the day we’re born”. His secret to dealing with death was to always have something to which to look forward. In fact, when he was dying, he was looking forward to teaching a class at the University in Scottsdale, Arizona the following week. He wasn’t avoiding his demise. Actually, he was someone who always embraced reality as a result of his having contracted polio from a very early age leaving him somewhat incapacitated. What he was doing was simply focusing on something else…something that helped his mind to entertain and celebrate life.

And so, we can’t really “go home” if going home means wanting things to remain the same. Life goes on in its own fashion…at its own pace…and we can’t control it. But we can do is learn how to relish the good times while keeping in mind that the good times that we’ve already experienced are “golden” but the good times that are about to come are beyond category.