The Really Great Networking Conversation

By now, you'd have to have lived in a cave in Afghanistan for the last decade not to know the importance of networking. Whether you're job-hunting, or growing your business, or just striding into the exciting world of networking, you need to know how to talk. And listen. But beyond "how did you hear about this event?" how do you start a worthwhile networking conversation? It's not so hard - you just have to focus on the OTHER person.

The first and biggest rule of making networking conversation is that it's a conversation, not an audio broadcast. Don't deliver an aural business card, in other words! What's more annoying than a conversation like this:

YOU: (Spotting the nametag that says SALLY JONES on a nearby woman's lapel) So, Sally, what do you do in your business?
SHE: Oh, we're a full-service marketing firm, delivering great results for clients across a wide range of industries. We do branding, marketing, advertising solutions, web design, collateral materials, annual reports, and full-color printing. We work closely with our clients to find breakthrough solutions to tough problems. We value every client as a friend. We...
YOU: Got it - I'm afraid I forgot to feed the meter. (Exit stage left.)

See? Just because you're face-to-face with a person at a networking event doesn't mean that you're willing to listen to a non-stop marketing spiel. You shouldn't have to. And neither should anyone else. Just like in the sales arena (and networking has something in common with sales, in that you're selling a person on the value of knowing you), you should spend more time listening than talking.

Let's try that conversation again.

YOU: Hello Sally, what does your business do?
SHE: Oh, we're a really wonderful small marketing firm. I'd love to tell you more about us. But -- let's start with you. What do YOU do?
YOU: Well, I'm a technical search consultant.
SHE: Terrific! What sorts of assignments do you specialize in?

See what's happening now? It's a conversation. No one feels the need to jump out there with an uninvited commercial message. You will each learn interesting things about the other in a two-way exchange. Now you have a base for networking, and for finding ways to help one another.

The second big rule for creating networking conversation is this: find out as much about the person behind the business card as you do about the business. After all, we are more than our professional selves. The world is full of real estate people, for example. Some of them are worldly and insightful. Some of them are pretty dull and uncreative. How can you tell who's who? Ask them!

Here are five questions for networking conversations, that get beyond the obvious "what do you do for a living?" arena. If I'm meeting you at a networking function, I want to know what drives you. I want to know what you do when you're NOT working, and why you choose to do that thing. I want to to know what you think about. Are you my kind of person? Am I yours? That's what builds relationships - mutual interests.

Let's face it, most of the people we randomly meet at networking get-togethers aren't in a position to buy our services (or find us a job, or help us with our goals) this very minute. What's important is that these folks remember you, and like you, and will stay connected to you over time. It's a person-to-person connection you're after - not a business-card-meets-business card one!

So, here are the five questions:

1) How did you wend your way into the [technical search] business?

Stories are the spice of life, and the key to a person's character. It's fascinating to hear how people make their ways through careers - much more interesting, often, than a simple description of what they do every day. Dig in to the story!

2) So, where do you think the [technical search]industry is going? What trends do you see shaping up?

Want to understand the quality of a person's thinking? Ask him or her for an analysis of the current industry scene.

3) Where are you from?

This little question is my all-time favorite. If the answer is "Pittsburgh," of course, you don't let it sit there - you find out about your new friend's early life in Pittsburgh, and where he went after that, and how he ended up here in your city. Probe! The fun of meeting new people is mostly in learning about the different choices (different from your own, that is) that people make in their lives.

4) What's your favorite thing to do outside of work?

Here again, the key is that when your new acquaintance says, "Herpetology," you don't say, "Cool." You ask questions! Think of your brief conversation as a mini-interview. Why herpetology? What is herpetology again, anyway? Lizards? What kinds of lizards do you like? Don't they get mites? Ask, and listen! That's how relationships are created.

Here's the bottom line, when it comes to networking: people do business with people they feel connected to. It's more important to make a true connection - by learning that, say, we both have sets of twins and love the opera - than to make a flimsy one, based on the fact that we're both in the printing business (and have absolutely no other shared interest or conversational 'spark'). Business, thank goodness, is populated by people. It's human connections that make things happen.

Practice asking questions and then practice something else: clapping your mouth shut and listening. For some of us, that's a new business skill. The benefit? Priceless.